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Yes, frightfully out of date, and yes, I do have friends from both Seattle and Michigan who don't get their own pages on my site, but... this was funny at the time so it needs to stay up as an historical artifact. Plus I can use it to remind people I went to MIT.
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- Suspect: Joey "Bigjoe" Richards
- Wanted For: Overworking, terrible expansion techniques with Terrans, kicking around at putt-putt golf or pool
- Often Found: Massaging his Passat
- Marital Status: What do you think??
- Beatles or Elvis: Ummm... Gordon Lightfoot
- Website: www.borkbork.org
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- Suspect: Willie "Get Some!" Kaberle
- Wanted For: Speeding, grunting, bad typography, pontiff violation
- Often Found: Asleep, eating, or at the computer
- Political Leanings: Ran for Governor of TX in 1996. Oh wait, he ran AT the Governor of TX in 1996...
- Pseudowebsite: Virtual Willie
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- Suspect: Ann "Skank" Oyama
- Wanted For: Cursing in Japanese, cursing in English, court jestering without a license
- Often Found: Creating guest lists with Carl
- Blood Type: Unknown
- Blood Preference: Any/All
- Website: www.ann-oyama.com
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- Suspect: Jennifer "Orange" Clay
- Wanted For: Talking loudly, possession of disc guns, general mayhem and mischief
- Often Found: Hidden in plain sight
- Pet Peeve: The Taco Bell dog
- Special Skill: Ninjitsu
- Tips for Dating: Gotta swipe her Ring of Warding +3/+3 first
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- Suspect: Joung-Mo "Bung-Mo" Kang
- Wanted For: Chewing with his mouth open, putting food into his mouth while it's already full, talking with his mouth full
- Often Found: With a game console controller in his hands
- Wishes: Women were as easy to play as Soul Caliber
- Claim to Fame: Beat FFIX in six days
- Dates Accumulated From This Feat: Zero, zilch, nada
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